


Shackled

by astromirage



Category: Haikyuu!!
Genre: Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, But with more emotional problems, Childhood Friends to Lovers, Crying, Emotional Baggage, M/M, Tadashi has been there for it all, Tsukishima Kei is Bad at Feelings, Tsukishima's inferiority complex
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-05-10
Updated: 2020-05-10
Packaged: 2021-03-02 21:28:42
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,282
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24113563
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/astromirage/pseuds/astromirage
Summary: Kei can remember the exact moment his world collapsed. The exact second everything he knew slipped away from his fingertips.
Relationships: Tsukishima Kei/Yamaguchi Tadashi
Comments: 3
Kudos: 62





	Shackled

Kei can remember the exact moment his world collapsed. The exact second everything he knew slipped away from his fingertips. When his brother became a stranger to him, when he became nothing more than a figure living in his house. 

He also remembers when Tadashi asked him out in their third year of middle school. He remembers the amount of sunlight that filled his body. The pure happiness he felt. 

He remembers when he saw the short, orange haired spiker. He still feels the uselessness that invaded his body, the inferiority that gripped onto his wrists shackling him to the ground, cementing his in place to watch as his teammates jump higher and higher, attaining new things. 

He remembers when he saw Hinata in that damned #10 jersey. He remembers the insurmountable feeling of power the boy exuded. The lowly feeling still reverberates through him. 

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

Kei throws his volleyball backboard and turns away from the bouncing ball. He crosses his arms, his hands gripping on his sweater sleeves until his knuckles are white. He screws his eyes shut, willing away his tears that threaten to make their show on his cheeks. 

"Fuck!" he shouts, storming back into his house. 

He rushes past a concerned Akiteru who heard his brothers desperate cry. Kei slams his door shut, locking it. He slides on his headphones and grabs his pillow, pulling his knees to his chest. He curls into himself, trying, so hard, to suppress his tears. He shakes his head violently, trying to shake away the ever present feeling of inferiority that always grows inside him. 

These feelings fight against the small glimmer of hope he held onto. Because in the back of his brain, the little kid with the dream of playing volleyball endlessly and freely struggles with his grown self, riddled with insecurities and self doubt. He still feels the glimmer of hope from the little kid who looks up at a mid-air volleyball with bright, sparkling eyes. 

But his dark, intrusive feelings are over taking that child like wonder. and he can't stop it. 

＊*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚ ˚*•̩̩͙✩•̩̩͙*˚＊

Tsukishima walks to school in silence, gets to class in silence, and leaves class in silence. For some reason beyond him, Tadashi hadn't bothered him yet. He pays it a lot of mind and tries to go on with his day, not bothered by the fact his boyfriend wasn't pestering him. 

He walks into the locker room and gets ready as quickly as he feels he wants to. Which is quite slow, as he really doesn't want to face his thoughts when he sees his teammates. Just as he pulls off his shirt and grabs his practice sweater, Tadashi bursts in. 

"Tsukki!" He yells out rushing to him. 

He feels a smile tug at his lips. 

"Tadashi." He replies, blush spreading on his cheeks. 

He slips on his sweater right as Yamaguchi hugs him. 

"Sorry I was so busy I didn't see you that much today," He frowns slightly "I had to make up some tests."

"There's so need to apologize 'Dashi." He responds, waving a hand and kissing his forehead. "Now get ready for practice." 

"You got it Tsukki!" 

Kei can't help but feel relief when his boyfriend is by his side. Like when he's around none of his thoughts seen to spiral. It makes him feel so different, because for a few seconds seconds the shackles the that restrained him broke and he could breathe. 

He snaps back back to reality and switches out his glasses. 

"Tsukki, hurry up!" He pleads, taking his boyfriends hand. 

"I am! I am!" he jokingly says aggressively. 

He finishes up and Yamaguchi pulls him to the gym. Tadashi nestles into his side as their pace slows. 

"Are you okay?" he asks, stopping and looking up to him. 

Kei's knees lock and he drops Tadashi's hand. His hand grips into fists and he tenses up. 

"I-I've noticed that you've been out of it at practice and you always just seem so sad and it hurts to see you sad."

"It's nothing Tadashi." 

"Don't lie to me Kei. Please." he pleads. 

"I'm not lying to you. Nothing. Is. Wrong." 

Tadashi feels his eyebrows furrow and he digs his feet deeper into the dirt. 

"I want to help you." He says softly. 

"I don't need your help Tadashi." He says, voice raising and cracking, 

Tadashi watches as Kei backs up, legs fixing to run away. His teammates watch on, concerned yet very intrigued, like one is attracted to a car accident. Kei feels his mind scream at him, clawing at his brain. He runs. 

"Kei!" Tadashi yells as Tsukki dashes away. 

Tadashi works his way towards his fleeing boyfriend. He speeds up, and in a desperate attempt to stop him, he jumps, tackling Kei to the ground. Kei lands with a loud yelp. 

"What's wrong with you!?" Kei screams, rolling over and trying to push him off. 

"No!" Tadashi screams, gripping onto the collar of the others sweater. "Tell me please! Tell me what is going on Kei!"

Kei goes lax in Tadashi's grip, tears pool in his eyes. "It hurts."

"What?" Tadashi lets go and stares at him. 

"It hurts to see you guys succeed." He chokes on some years that claw at his throat. "Because I can't jump."

"You can't what?" 

"You, Hinata and Kageyama, you're all throwing your self into this all and you're soaring!" He yells out, ripping off his glasses, wiping tears that come quick. 

Tadashi leans back as Kei sits up, quietly sobbing. He sits at his side and leans into him. 

"Please Kei, I need you to tell me more. I want to help you." 

Kei wipes away his tears, ashamed and embarrassed. Tadashi cards his fingers through Kei's tousled hair. 

"I can't beat you guys." He garbles out in between wheezy cries. "You guys try so hard and you do so well." his voice strains. 

"What?" Tadashi asks, stunned, trying to pry into the concrete that holds Kei's shackles. 

"I can't compare, no matter what." he sniffles. "I don't- I can't, I will never be as good as you guys." 

Yamaguchi feels his gut wrench as he realizes what's going on. He connects everything he's seen at Kei's side. He hugs him to his chest, tightly. 

"And even if I try I'm just going to disappoint!" he wails, slightly hushed from pressing his face into Tadashi's chest. 

Kei sobs are muffled and he grasps onto the back onto the back of Yamaguchi's shirt. 

"I just feel so useless." 

Tadashi's eyes widen and he hugs him tighter. "No. Kei, please don't think like that." He feels tears run down his own cheeks. "You are anything but useless." 

Kei curls in on his self as images of Akiteru's shaken face, him curled in a ball in his destroyed room. Every single thing he's spent years afraid of assault his brain, making him shake. 

"I know what you're thinking, why you're thinking it. But you need to believe me Kei. You are brilliant and amazing and an even better volleyball player. Don't let what you've been through define you. Please." he tilts his chin up. 

Kei tries his best to believe it and nod, Tadashi smile and he squeezes his arms. 

"Tsukki. Everything is going to be okay." he kisses his head. "If you ever think that you don't have a place here or that you are stuck, you have an entire team waiting in that gym to tell you that are so much better than you think." 

Kei nods further wetting the others shirt. "Thank you." 

Tadashi smiles brightly and tilts his boyfriends head up. "Always and forever."


End file.
